Thursday, January 19, 2012

Michael Jordan Existentialism


If you have Yahoo! set as your homepage like I do, you probably saw the blurb about Michael Jordan naming "only one" player as his equal.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  Why do you have Yahoo! set as your homepage?  Because I don't want to miss out on a Cate Blanchett photo retrospective that features red carpet shots of her at the Oscars from 1997 to present day—but I'm getting off topic here.  I'm not surprised to hear that Jordan is impressed by Kobe Bryant's work ethic.  Even I am impressed by Kobe's work ethic and his regeneration, and I've hated him since he took Brandy to the prom.  I am, however, incensed by how viral a story this has become, considering it was born out of a couple paraphrased tweets.  

I first read about these tweets on Yahoo!, then saw a handful of similar articles that reported on the same two tweets from sportswriter, Roland Lazenby.  Then I googled "jordan thinks only kobe compares," and found enough matching items that I stopped clicking next after the fifth page of results.  Today, all I've read about on the internet is SOPA/PIPA and this Jordan story.  I'm not sure who I should be scoffing at here, but I'm definitely scoffing.  It blows my mind that a couple of tweets from a sportswriter who most of us have probably never heard of could cause this many ripples.


And the tweets don't even include a direct quote from Jordan!  Let's be clear; if we're accepting Lazenby's retelling of his conversation with Jordan, this is a qualified compliment to Kobe.  You think Jordan would give an unqualified compliment?  Oh think again, brother.  Michael Jordan is the Michael Jordan of qualified compliments.  Jordan didn't say, "Kobe is the only one that compares."  He said, "Kobe is the only one to have done enough work to deserve the comparison."  This sounds like a confession Jordan gave begrudgingly after having been tied up, beaten, and deprived of food and water for an entire week in Lazenby's remote cabin at the foothills of Appalachia.   

I don't know if you can tell , but the gee dee Roland Lazenby tweets are forcing me into an existential crisis.  Who am I mad at here?  Kobe?  Jordan?  The virality of the present world?  What I really want to say is, who in the ewing is Roland Lazenby, that a  non-direct Jordan quote from him becomes a decree?  Truthfully, I don't doubt that Jordan said what Lazenby tweeted.  Truthfully, I hate myself when I'm writing about tweets.

I don't know who I'm mad at, or even, if I'm mad.  Somehow, I think there's a subtext about religion in here.  It's hard for me to talk theoretically or philosophically about basketball without mentioning The Jordan.  That's because, if basketball is a religion he is its deity.  In the same way that it's hard to talk about the Bible without bringing up Jesus, it's hard to talk about basketball without mentioning Jordan.  Therefore, anything He says, or is rumored to have said—backhanded or not—is inherently interesting.  If this situation is an indication of anything, it's that anything Michael Jordan saysor, says privately to a friend, who then tweets it in his own wordsis news.  If Jesus privately tells Roland Lazenby who the next Jordan is, you can bet that Lazenby's tweet about it will go viral.