Players to Watch (That Nobody is Watching), pt. 4: Lazarii

"Jesus wept. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!... Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days...And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth...And he that was dead came forth...Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go."

(John 11:35-44, KJV)

Lazarii

Brandon Roy 

I don't know what the hell is going on over there in Germany with the crazy surgeries, because the career of Brandon Roy is supposed to have died.  After getting amnestied, Roy sat out the '11-'12 lockout season, which surely would've killed him for good, given the season's condensed schedule that saw teams playing on back-to-back nights frequently.  Now, he's signed a multi-year deal with Minnesota, played all through preseason and will be in the Timberwolves' starting lineup on opening night.  In preseason he's looked...okay.  His game had been slowing down so much in Portland, and then again, he always had a slower style of game, so it's hard to tell exactly where he's at physically.  Given that Roy was simply incapable of making it through a full season during his last years in Portland, were his knees to hold up throughout this upcoming season, it would be nothing short of a miracle, a testament to the magical progression of sports medicine.  I'm not worried about his regular season game.  He may not put great numbers, or even play more than a thirty minutes a game, but he will help Minnesota win.  The bigger question will be, how will he play in the playoffs?  I have to imagine the T'Wolves will make the playoffs, given their additions of Roy and Andrei Kirilenko to their existing core of Kevin Love.  Will the wear of the regular season water Brandon Roy down for the playoffs?  Should he be on the Peter Forsberg plan, where he sits out the whole year until the playoffs?  Here's something I never thought I'd say: I'm a Timberwolves fan.

Adam Morrison 

Throughout the preseason, the thing I was most afraid of was Adam Morrison getting cut by the Trailblazers.  And, of course, they cut him.  I know, I know, it's Adam Morrison.  He's never done well on the NBA level, and there's no reason for us to think he'll ever amount to anything other than a good college player.  It's just a hard one for me to let go.  If Morrison had come out of Gonzaga and exploded onto the NBA the same way he exploded on the NCAA in 2005, I would not be nearly as interested in him, which is the interesting thing about Adam Morrison to those who find him interesting—he's interesting despite his inability to be interesting.  You follow?  Go re-watch the end of the famous 2006 Gonzaga collapse versus UCLA in the NCAA tournament.  Does Morrison's innocence not blow your mind, or are you dead inside?  After a couple years overseas, Morrison resurfaced in summer league, mustache-less.  And he was knocking down shots.  He made the Trailblazers' training camp roster, and he was knocking down some shots.  The Blazers already have the similarly-tooled Luke Babbitt and Sasha Pavlovic under contract, which I'm guessing is why they didn't sign Morrison, though he outperformed the both of them in preaseason.  My hope is that another team will sign Morrison during the season, because for the first time in a long time, he's been knocking down some shots.  Of course, we all know Jeremy Lin got cut numerous times before he rose to prominence, which has proven that sometimes a lot of people can be wrong about a player.  During preseason, Morrison was being auditioned by the Blazers as a three-point specialist, which I think is wrong.  As a three-point shooter, Morrison is good, but not great.  But in the mid-range, Morrison is a genius.  If he can put a clear shot up from anywhere between the paint and the three-point line, regardless of angle, my money says its going in.  It's a shame that more teams aren't looking for a mid-range specialist.  My hope is that Morrison goes to a team in desperate need of offense—which, apparently, Portland is not—because if this kid can knock down some shots, who knows.  

Players to Watch (That Nobody is Watching), pt. 3: From Obscurity

I don't have anything overly poetic or dramatic to say about this group of guys, largely because I don't know very much about them, largely because nobody knows much about them, largely because there's not yet been (and maybe still isn't) any reason to know about them.  If you're already familiar with these players, I have to assume it's either because you're related to them, or you picked them up on your fantasy team last season after they strung together two or three good games, then dropped them after one bad game.  The best case scenario for most of these players is that they become the fifth option in a starting lineup.  Who cares, you might ask.  Well, I would argue that the quality of the fifth man in a starting lineup is often the difference between a good team and a great team.  Then again, maybe not.

FROM OBSCURITY

Jimmy Butler

In a preseason game against the Timberwolves, Jimmy Butler played all 48 minutes and only took four shots.  I'm not of the contingent who say stats don't always tell the whole story.  I'm of the contingent that says stats never tell the whole story, and Jimmy Butler is our poster boy.  Even in preseason—or especially in preseason—it's an accomplishment for a player to stay on the floor for the whole game.  To put up only four shots is a remarkable—if not accidental—feat of indeterminable value.  Did that game help Butler's career?  I doubt it.  But the fact is, unless the Bulls trade for another combo guard-forward, Jimmy Butler is going to have to play, because the Bulls don't have depth at either of those positions.  For now, Marco Belinelli, a skinny guard-forward who does nothing but shoot, is ahead of Butler on the depth chart.  Belinelli's success has always been the short-run sort of thing that deteriorates rapidly and leaves you looking for the exact inverse of him.  Coincidentally, Jimmy Butler is a strong 6'7" guard-forward who does everything but shoot.  I've seen him play a little, and I would say he has the potential to be the athletic version of Bruce Bowen.  Perhaps, a lock-down defender to the stars.  Or perhaps, the second-coming of Ruben Patterson.  Both C.J. Watson and Ronnie Brewer departed from Chicago in the offseason.  Losing bench players rarely seems like a big deal, but Brewer and Watson are quintessential bench players, who prevented a lot of forest fires in Chi-town last year.  That's a hole that needs to be plugged, maybe even more than the gaping sinkhole created by Derrick Rose's torn ACL.  Either way, Jimmy needs a jumpshot.

Tobias Harris

Tobias Harris is another funky portioning of Scottie Pippen.  If Tayshaun Prince is the skinny version of Pippen, Tobias Harris is the HGH version of Pippen.  Long arms, versatile, quick, high basketball IQ.  He can shoot, pass, slash, post up, and send some into the stands.  The job of the Bucks' frontcourt this year, is going to be picking up after Brandon Jennings and Monte Ellis.  Which means, rebounding their high volume of bricks and being able to knock down shots when they kick it out, only after dribbling into a dead end.  Harris is probably more capable of playing off another player than he is an instigator—also Pippenesque.  This is Harris's sophomore season in the NBA, and he appears to be Milwaukee's starting small forward.  The performance of Jennings and Ellis will be similar to their performance in years' past, and will also have little bearing on whether the Bucks win or lose games.  So if the Bucks make the playoffs this year, it'll be because of the bottom-half of the lineup, not the top.

Tristan Thompson

You can pencil Uncle Drew into the Cavs' lineup, but that's about it.  The rest of the roster is a question mark.  Sure, Varejao is a proven force, but what's the plan when he goes down a month into the season, which is as inevitable as Dan Gilbert's denial.  Once Varejao goes down, who will be the number two in this project?  Tristan Thompson has been overshadowed by 2012 Rookie of the Year, Kyrie Irving, though he was only drafted three spots behind Irving.  Thompson showed promise and ability last year, and has probably more raw talent then anybody else on the Cavs' roster.  And let's not forget he's a high-flying big man.  I know the NBA is slowly becoming a small man's game, but size is still the trump card.  Thompson reminds me of early Tyrus Thomas.  Let's just hope the comparison ends there.

Ivan Johnson

You could call this next pick nepotism.  Ivan Johnson is the only NBA player to come from my alma mater, Cal State San Berdoo.  He's yet to do anything extraordinary, aside from come from San Bernardino, but he is a laissez faire beast.  If Terry Crews played basketball, it would look like Ivan Johnson.  If you've even seen his size and rebounding ability, and wondered why you never heard of Ivan Johnson, it's because he has Delonte West's attitude, which is, and has been, his main obstacle.  Atlanta has a lack of size, so there's a need for an Ivan Johnson in Atlanta.  Atlanta, though, has a lot of guards in their rotation and will probably like to play small.  To start the season, Ivan Johnson's minutes will be few.  To get more minutes, Ivan Johnson will need to manufacture a need for Ivan Johnson.  Tear some rims down, Ivan.

Players to Watch (That Nobody is Watching), pt. 2: Heirs to the Throne

Of the large contingent of people that the Lakers' 2012 acquisitions upset, I was hurt the most.  Not just by Steve Nash and Dwight Howard, but Antawn Jamison!  NO!  And then I remembered that Ron Artest is still in LA posing as a Buddhist, albeit poorly.  (And let's face it, he's not fooling anyone.  We all know that the crazier Ron Artest is, the better he plays, and he's balling right now.)  NO!  This Lakers team upsets me so much that I truly, sincerely like any of my friends who are Laker fans a little less than I did before.  The upside, though, is that every time there's a consolidation of figureheads, an angel gets its wings, and new players are born.  Most of this next group of Players to Watch will be directly effected by the player movement that has occurred this offseason.  It's possible these players will know what it takes to become successors to the leadership positions left vacant in their current or new locations, and it's also possible these players will be content to retain their current titles, show up for work everyday, pay into their 401(k)s, become Fox Sports Net analysts, then die, and in a thousand years when future civilizations come upon our long-abandoned lands, no records or artifacts will be found to denote the existence of these men.

(Potential) Heirs to the Throne

Goran Dragic 

Dragic has been trying to rise up since he got in the league, but The Man been holding him down, subjugating him to the pine.  Goran probably could've started in his sophomore season in Phoenix, but the omniscience of Steve Nash is of the hardest things to rise above.  Dragic got shipped to Houston in '11 and sat behind Kyle Lowry's whiny ass (I don't know I'm making fun of Kyle Lowry, I like him more than I like Goran Dragic, though, he is whiny, and an ass) for a year before usurping the starting job when Lowry got injured midway through the season.  And Dragic played so well, that Lowry didn't retake his starting position when he came back.  Now, as Nash embarks for LA on a final crusade in the autumn of his career like so many downtrodden men before him, Dragic returns to Phoenix with a new contract, the starting point guard job, and the fool's errand of erasing the memory of the most deified Phoenician since Barkley.  Dragic has only gotten better with time, becoming a better and more versatile shooter inside and oustide, becoming a better passer, and adding the ability to orchestrate a half-court offense to his run-and-gun technology.  His career averages are as indistinct as any other bench player's, but his career averages as a starter are Nashian (17 ppg, 8 apg, 4 rpg., 48% FGs).  Dragic is the same size and speed as Nash, but he's twelve years younger, will play almost ten more minutes a game, and is slightly more attractive than Nash was even in his prime.  The Suns have kept their underwhelming roster of interchangeable rotation players perfectly in-tact, and added Louis Scola and Michael Beasley, both of whom should have no problem assimilating to an underwhelming style of play.  But this roster is serviceable, and I guarantee those rejects in the Suns' locker room are watching game film of the 2011 Mavericks playoff run and believing.  But who'll lead them?  Who'll be the one to prevent Michael Beasley from taking twenty shit-poor shots a game?  By all appearances, Dragic has the keys to the solar-powered machine that carries the Suns.  This year, there'll be no Kyle Lowrys oppressing Dragic with their I was here first routine.  This is the year we'll see who Dragic really is.  Is he the next Steve Nash, or is he the next Beno Udrih?

Kenneth Faried 

It's no coincidence Kenneth Faried was dubbed the next Rodman during his college career, in which he went to the NCAA tourney twice in four years with Morehead State, a school from the Ohio Valley that hadn't been to the dance since '84.  Faried consciously based his game on Rodman's, neglecting to develop a rounded offensive game in order to focus on being the best rebounder on the planet.  As a result, the Rodman comparisons are there in nearly every aspect.  They both came from no-name schools, they're both undersized, they both went late in the draft—shit, they were born an hour away from one another in Jersey.  Unlike Rodman, Faried did not come from Division II obscurity.  Keep in mind, Faried left Morehead State as the NCAA Division I career rebounding leader, just ahead of Tim Duncan—a dubious honor, considering it's almost a failure in this era for a player to leave college with a degree.  Last year, when Faried arrived in Denver as a 22-year-old rookie, the pre-production period was short before the Manimal was released into the mainstream.  A month into the season, Faried was funneled into the rotation to back-up Nene, who had been a god damn institution in Denver—the Todd Helton of the hardwood.  Soon thereafter, Faried cracked the starting lineup and started outplaying Nene, because not only does Faried grind, he also hustles.  Essentially, he out-Nene'd Nene.  Nuggets management soon realized that Faried basically is Nene, sans gravity, so they sent Nene's tired ass to D.C.  Because, as it turns out, you don't need more than one Nene in any city.  Faried finished the year on a tear, scoring 12 ppg and pulling down 8.5 rpg in just 25 minutes per game after the all-star break.  Additionally, he played an integral role in the Nuggets' run into the playoffs, in which they took the Lakers to seven games, but lost.  Kyrie Irving winning Rookie of the Year was a joke.  Sure, he put up numbers, while leading a Cleveland shit-parade.  Faried was a unanticipated surprise to the Nuggets last year.  This year, they need him.  Denver may be a better team this year after subtracting Nene and adding Iguodala and having Wilson Chandler back, but they now have an obvious lack of track record in the frontcourt.  George Karl likes playing small, and Faried is just small enough for his configuration, though Karl is asking him to run, play big at the same time, and bring the physical presence.  They don't need him to generate his own offense, but he can't just be the garbage man like he was last year.  George Karl needs Faried to be the Director of Waste—to pull down fourteen rebounds a game, to become a Rodman.  The matrices indicate that this is possible, but you can't become a Rodman purely on hustle.  Becoming a Rodman requires an acuteness so sophisticated that it functions like instinct.  This year we'll see whether the mythology of Kenneth Faried is just, or if he's just another Reggie Evans.

                                            

Glen Davis
Before the '09 Playoffs, Glen Davis's defining moment was when Kevin Garnett made him cry.  Then in '09, Garnett went down just before the playoffs and I was sure the Celtics would fold like a chair to the burgeoning Bulls, but Glen Davis filled-in and played heroicly, helping the Celtics beat the Bulls in seven games.  Then during the Orlando series in the East semis, where the Celtics would end up losing in seven, Glen Davis's defining moment became him making that little cherubic boy cry like a little girl.  Always with the tears, Glen.  In an equally surprising turn of events, Glen Davis got traded to Orlando last year, and now that same kid may very well be walking around Epcot with a Glen Davis jersey on.  When Dwight Howard went down with a back injury last year right before the playoffs, like Garnett in '09, Glen Davis started in his place and again took it to another level in the playoffs (19 ppg, 9 rpg), but this time his team got whomped on by the Pacers.  I'm not sure what the Magic are intending to do this season.  Is this yet another reconstruction period for them?  Are they willing to let the season tank on its own accord, or are they going to tank intentionally like the Celtics did in '06-'07, which incidentally gave them enough draft-pick trade bait to assemble the first NBA supergroup of the era, the "Big Three, " and draft Glen Davis in the same offseason.  If the new Magic GM, Rob Hennigan, lets the boys play, who knows.  Orlando still has a lot of proven veteran guys who've been rotation players in successful offensive and defensive systems.  They also have Hedo Turkoglu and Al Harrington, which is what you make of it.  There's no reason to believe new Magic coach, Jacque Vaughn, will be any sort of messianic figure for Orlando, but if he's smart he'll forge a capable leader out of one of these Other Guys.  Glen Davis is a capable post scorer, he sets roadblocks not picks, he's got a jumpshot, he's a good post defender and help defender, and he rebounds.  He won't block any shots, but he may make his free throws.  Above all, he's fiery, and also he's somewhat fat.  And anybody's who's played streetball knows that fat guys pass the rock.  If I'm at the park, putting together a squad, and I have to pick between a fat guy and a skinny guy, nine times out of ten I'm picking the fat guy.  Because fat guys know how to use their body, they know how to rebound, and they love to pass, maybe out of necessity.  Skinny guys just love scoring.  Jacque, if you're listening: give Glen Davis the rock.  I know Glen is not a great player, but he's a player whose shown intermittent spurts of greatness.  Sometimes a player only reaches maximum potential when he's handed the keys, or forced to take them.  And we know that sometimes that player takes the keys and drives to the moon.      

Collison/Kaman/Mayo
What's the story with these guys?  Their careers have all stalled, and I'm not sure why.  I mean, I know what happened to them, and I will tell you, but I don't know why these guys didn't, or just couldn't, prevent it from happening.  In a way, it's good that Dirk will be out for the beginning of the season, because that will give one or all of these guys a chance, without Daddy around holding their hands, to become worthy wingmen to the Nowitzki endeavor.  The Mavs are now back to where they were before they won the championship in '11.  They're back on the frontier, where anything can happen.  Hell, they may not even make the playoffs this year if one of these guys doesn't become a gunslinger.  And they better step up and take some accountability before Christmas, or Antoine Walker is just gonna have to come back.

Darren Collison started behind Chris Paul in New Orleans, and put up nearly the same numbers as a starter (19 ppg, 9 apg, 3.5 rpg, 49% FG) when Paul got injured in Collison's rookie season.  Collison got traded to Indiana before the next season to be their point guard, did okay, not as great.  Then last year, Collison becomes wallpaper and eventually loses his job to little ole George Hill.  Darren, what's the story?  You've got every desirable point guard skill: speed, shooting touch, court vision, intelligence, explosiveness.  Do your thang, Darren, whatever that may be.  We still don't know.  

Chris Kaman as a Clipper was prohibited by a lack of touches whilst playing alongside the pre-geriatric Elton Brand—one of the best post-players of the 2000's (who will now be prohibited in Dallas by Kaman's touches—that didn't come out right).  Finally, Kaman started putting up numbers when Elton Brand was injured in '07-'08, then Kaman went down mid-way through the season.  The next year, the Clips let Elton Brand leave for Philly, largely because they had Kaman lying in the wait, and Kaman went down again.  Then the next year Kaman had a good season (19.5 ppg, 9 rpg) on a bad Clippers team—blame Baron for that one, I don't know.  Then just when Blake Griffin was all set to roll it out in LA, Kaman went down again, then got traded to the Hornets and barely played. What's the story, Chris?  STAY.  UP.  Do what you did in '09-'10, just do it better somehow.  And go back to the post.  Dallas doesn't need another seven-foot man, with ancestral beginnings in the Nordic region, shooting jumpshots.  That position has been filled.   

O.J. Mayo.  Good well-rounded game as a rookie (18.5 ppg 3 apg, 4 rpg), good well-rounded game as a sophmore (17 ppg, 3 apg, 4 rpg), then Tony Allen kicked his ass, took his job (probably took his girl too in the whirlwind of things), and the Grizzlies went on to make the playoffs for the first time in five years, and also establish themselves as a regular contender, all while Mayo came off the bench.  It dun't look good for Mayo.  Come onnnnnnn back, O.J.  Come onnnnnnn back.

Players to Watch (That Nobody is Watching), pt. 1: Rooks

The NBA preseason is a wasteland.  It's the only time of year when an NBA player can go underground, or even into the woods, to live a seclusionist lifestyle, out of the journalistic sphere for the three or four months between the end of the season and training camp.  If not for the existence of Twitter—along with the irrepressible narcissism of some/most/all pro athletes—we'd have no idea where any of these guys are, or what's become of them.  Chris Kaman's body could be decomposing in the woods behind his house for weeks before anybody even noticed or cared, so thank god for Twitter. In certain cities where an NBA player resides, anytime a player goes 72 hours without any action on their Twitter account, protocol is for local law enforcement to do a precautionary sweep of a player's residence.  But that's not the point.  The point is there's nothing going on in the summer, nothing to write about.  Yet, the articles keep coming.  You could call it metaphysical, the way basketball writers generate something out of nothing.  Smush Parker all of a sudden becomes the epicenter of a media storm.  A player takes a dump at Starbucks, the wire picks it up, and we've got fifty articles by lunchtime—if you're an NBA player, get everything 'To Go.'  Then of course, every sports site and publication does a season preview of every single team from the Raptors to the Heat.  Or they do a hokey, 'Players to Watch' segment.  When the same article gets done every year, especially when it's a segment that everyone does, you know you're reading pork barrel journalism—writing that serves to keep the writer in power more so than it serves the reader.  That shit is so hack.  With that said, here's part one of my 'Players to Watch' series.  

Now, this isn't the absolute 'Players to Watch' list.  I don't care about Anthony Davis or most of the top ten draft picks, because most of their teams won’t be relevant.  I'm not impressed by rookies who play well but don't win any games.  Obviously, anything can happen at any time, much of the world is predicated on this, but, best case scenario: Anthony Davis isn't relevant until 2014.  I also don't care about the migratory effects of Joe Johnson, Andrew Bynum, Andre Iguodala, Steve Nash or Dwight Howard.  You have your optimistic projection of what those guys will accomplish, I have my cynical projection, and they'll probably disappoint us both by falling directly in the middle.

Instead, I've drawn up four groupings of marginal players that I believe have speculative importance to their teams this year.  Out of the fourteen guys I'm highlighting in these categories, I’m thinking there may be one or two all-stars.  Maybe.  BUT, all of them could be vital to their teams' runs at the playoffs, or to their teams' success within the playoffs.  No one will pin the failures on these guys, and it's unlikely they'll be credited with much.  These are players who appeared on my radar last season, whom I've been watching through summer league and exhibition.  These are the players to watch that nobody is watching.

ROOKIES

Perry Jones 3

He's a quick, agile, aerial power forward who fits perfectly between Ibaka and Durant in the Thunder matryoshka set.  Despite not having great stats at Baylor (13 ppg, 8 rpg) Perry was supposed to be a lottery pick pre-draft, but he almost fell to the second round.  My guess is that he's more bounce than brains, so it makes sense that no lottery team would pick him, because most teams in the NBA are looking for answers rather than thee, singular, answer.  Perry Jones's game is unintentional.  He's probably going to be a pick-setter, a put-backer, maybe a shot-blocker; not a leader or a determining factor, but a utilizable addition to the repertoire of an already multifarious team.  The Thunder don't need Perry to think, they just need him to be fast, play team defense, get offensive rebounds, and throw it down occasionally, all of which he appears to be doing in exhibition games.  I'm guessing the only answer the Thunder are looking for is to the velocity of the Miami LeBron Jameses.  OKC was plagued in the 2012 Finals by an obvious inability to move in a timely and necessary manner.  Perry should help with that.  And he very well has the ability to be the best Stromile Swift of the decade.  Perry, if you're listening, just pick-n-roll.  And don't stop rolling.  Never stop rolling.

Projected statistical leader in: Converted Alley-Oops per 36 minutes

Damian Lillard

In Portland, where I currently reside, Blazer fans love every new player they get.  Too much even.  Which explains the $46 million Nicolas Batum contract.  Shit, the Blazers probably could've gotten present-day Toni Kukoc for the veteran's minimum to the same effect.  What’s my issue with Batum?  Look, the Fred Meyer brand toilet paper I use is harder than Batum, and that’s just my starting point.  The larger point is, if there's someone who can balance out the horrible Batum contract it's going to have to be a guy who plays for cheap, and can overcompensate for the overpaid, underachieving diva that Batum will inevitably be.  Essentially, the Blazers need Nick Cannon.  But Nick Cannon is too expensive.  Enter Damian Lillard.  Lillard's the one guy who ripped it up in summer league, and he's been steady in the preseason (16 ppg, 5.5 apg in 30 mpg).  He can do a little bit of everything.  Reminds me of a more physically-imposing Chris Paul, minus some zest and brains, plus some lift and muscle.  The significant difference in the Blazers' half-court game this year will be when Lillard's playing the pick-n-roll with Aldridge.  Unlike Raymond Felton, Lillard is actually a threat to keep when Aldridge is overplayed on the switch, and somebody gonna get banged on.  Here in Portland, Lillard's being touted as the savior by the partisan analysts on CSN Northwest and in The Oregonian.  Keep in mind, these are the same people who said the same things about Sebastian Telfair.  Regardless, I'll hesitantly say the kid looks legit.  And he looks like a guy who can win you some games on his own.  Every so often, a team appears to get worse in terms of personnel from one season to the next, but one player propels them to win games despite the spotty roster.  Think early Derrick Rose or early Brandon Roy.  Lillard might be one these guys.  My guess is that most of Batum's shots are going to be created by Lillard.  Batum better tip him out at the end of every game.

Projected statistical leader in:  FG made after a teammate returns a pass intended to be an assist

Thomas Robinson 

If DeMarcusCousins is your guy, I'm sorry.  At every position, with the exception of center, Sacramento has three legit starters but no obvious standouts, which makes their starting line-up largely random and arbitrary.  If the Kings go on a playoff run, it will surprise everybody.  They’ve had an in-flow of lottery talent since before Obama took office, but no organization.  Luckily, Thomas Robinson is to organization as DeMarcus Cousins is to chaos.  If there's a reason Thomas Robinson didn't score forty points against Kentucky in the 2012 NCAA title game, it's that he was trying to uphold Kansas's system, despite it disintegrating all around him.  Robinson is what they call 'mature', and his game hinges on wisdom.  He's got a good inside presence, a polished jumpshot, was an accomplished rebounder in college, and I doubt he misses very many defensive rotations.  He likes to take shots that he knows he can make, so his shots are a deliberate few.  Also, he can bang.  He's a guy with a worthy presence, the anti-Cousins. The best thing that can happen to the Kings is for Cousins to go down early in the season, so we can see what the triage of Justin Thompson, Chuck Hayes, and Thomas Robinson can do.  Sacramento has the talent to make the playoffs, though I'm not saying they will.  If they can even get close to it, I'm presuming t.Rob will have a lot to do with it.

Projected statistical leader in:  Total unused picks set/Most tats

Royce White 

If Royce White gets over his anxiety issues, he could be the best player in the '12 draft, and he may be the best passer on the Rockets.  The last time we saw a point guard in a power forward’s body, his drugs weren’t prescribed.  Royce is also a pretty good rebounder and he’s got grit.  Though not a physically imposing guy by comparison to average big men in the league, when he pulls down a defensive rebound and then all six-eight, two-sixty of him competently leads the break, it looks like a dangerous proposition for which there's no repartee.  Royce White isn't even in the top-five players on Houston, but he's valuable to Houston because though Houston may have the best ensemble players in the league, they only have one proven playmaker, Lin.  If you've seen Royce play, you know that he has the potential to be a great instigator, one the best of the best even.  I expect Houston to make the playoffs this year, but in the playoffs it's easy to stop teams with one generator, so Royce developing into something more than just a human interest story could be vital.  The question is, where's his head at?  Royce's game is intellectual, which is problematic for a guy with overly-documented mental health issues.  The Rockets will need a guy like him deep in the playoffs, but he's no good to them unless he's playing with an abundance of confidence.  This is your potential Jeremy Lin story for the year.  A guy coming from nowhere, who’s up against it.  If Royce goes on a Linesque rampage this year, I will be the first one wearing a shirt that reads, ‘Insanity.’

Projected statistical leader in:  Enterprise Rent-A-Car Rewards points

The Dunk / Straight-to-Netflix-Instant: Bulls vs. Heat

If you didn't watch the Bulls-Heat game this morning, you don't like basketball.  This game was an Eastern Conference Finals re-match and probably pre-match, because I have to imagine these two teams can only be beat by one another in the 2012 NBA Playoffs.  I hope I've shown myself to be a reasonably unbiased man despite my penchant for constantly ejaculating personal preferences in an admittedly tyrannical fashion, but I hate the Heat.  Unless you live in the bottom half of Florida (and even then, it's questionable), you probably hate the Heat too.  And if you’re like me, you probably hate them as much as the Lakers, or the Celtics before they became geriatrics.  Or you hate them like I'd hate the present-day Knicks, were they competent.  Like I'll probably hate the Clippers next year—or after hearing moniker "Lob City" enough times, whichever comes first.  And if you're like me, you root against the Heat like you root against any team that conspires to stack their team with a surplus of talent.  But I digress.  Despite my principled hatred for the Heat, I can't help but whoop at their redunkulousness.  If the Clippers govern Lob City, the Heat oversee Lob Country.  And if today's win over Chicago is evidence of anything, it's that god wants them to win the championship.

Despite the updated Chicago and Miami rosters, this game was a little too reminiscent of Bulls-Heat games from last year, which all generally followed similar storylines wherein the Heat appear dominant for the first 43 minutes of regulation despite only being ahead by a small margin, until Derrick Rose, with less than five minutes left in the game, sharts out his game-long funk and leads the Bulls in a frantic comeback, like he’s done so many times before.  Meanwhile, LeBron James—regardless of how dominant he'd been for the majority of the game—with less than five minutes left, turns into Jerome James, like he’s done so many times.

Frankly, I'm a little suspicious that the NBA didn't just re-cut a conference finals game from last year, editing out the parts where LeBron shoots three-pointers, then adding in Rip Hamilton in a Bulls' jersey, digitally, kind of like George Lucas did with Jabba the Hutt for the 20th Anniversary theatrical re-release of Star Wars.  This was a good game, but it still felt like a waste of money (even though I watched it on ABC), kind of like how the 20th Anniversary theatrical re-release of Star Wars was a good movie, but still felt like a waste of money (even though I watched it on ABC).

The last half-minute of the game, though, was really the story of the game, though it should be stricken from the record.  With Derrick Rose heading to the free throw line, the Bulls down 93-94, I was prepared for an exciting finish.  Instead we got the type of finish you'd see in a college game.  The last thirty seconds of the game were saturated in folly.  Let me summarize it for you: Derrick Rose bricked two free throws, LeBron bricked two free throws, the ref interrupted the most vital play of the game with an inadvertent whistle then used a center-court jump ball to gloss over it, LeBron may or may not have stolen the tip, Mario Chalmers bricked a free throw to leave the garage door open, Carlos Boozer got the rebound but dropped the ball while trying to call a timeout, Derrick Rose came up with the ball and called a timeout while somehow not being called for traveling, then bricked a floater (very appropriately) at the free throw line on the ensuing play.  The end.  As the credits rolled up, LeBron and Dwyane Wade exchanged simultaneous looks of confusion and relief, like those we've seen so many times in a freeze-frame of a married sitcom couple at the end of the episode.  Because the end dropped out of this otherwise great game so horribly, you won’t see it on ESPN Classic’s Instant Classics.  Though, you may find the taped broadcast in the late-night comedy section of Netflix’s Instant archives, because if this game were a movie, it would have been a straight-to-Netflix-Instant release.

Still, the game had some clairvoyance.  Derrick Rose is still autonomous within the Bulls’ offense.  Meaning, they don’t function together.  Like the guy who used to dribble the texture off the rock on West Madison street during the late-‘80s, Rose is playing too much road construction basketball—one guy dribbling, four guys watching.  When has there been an NBA Champion that started a team of four and a team of one simultaneously?  The Bulls will be stopped in the 2012 Playoffs, for the same reasons they were stopped in the 2011 Playoffs—road construction basketball.  Then there’s the Heat.  They’re intrinsically good.  They can’t lose even when it looks as if they’re trying to.  It pains me more than anybody to drop the rhyme, but the Heat are the team to beat.

Lastly, what kind of a person would I be if I didn’t touch on The Dunk?  LeBron actually did the same dunk on Friday night against the Knicks.  Observe:

But look here, when I say the Heat are redunkulous, I mean they jump over the sons of former NBA players.  They don’t give an F!  Ri-dunk-u-lous!  Observe how much tighter this dunk is when you insert the son of a former NBA player under LeBron:

It’s too early in the season to predict an MVP, but I’ve already called the trophy shop and had them engrave the plaque that I’ll personally present to LeBron James when I proclaim him MVP of Jumping Over People While Dunking.  I know you’re thinking about the Nate Robinson dunk over 6'11" Dwight Howard, but that doesn’t count because the dunk didn’t take place in an actual game.  Same goes for his dunk over 5'7" Spud Webb (which, somehow, is better than the Dwight Howard dunk).  The previous MVP of Jumping Over People While Dunking is, of course, Vince Carter.  Carter loses the title for two reasons.  One: a U.S. player dunking over a guy in the Olympics is only slightly (if at all) more credible than dunking over a guy in the dunk contest.  And two: the alley-oop added a degree of difficulty to LeBron’s dunk.  LeBron’s dunk made me wonder if an NBA game has ever ended, not in a dunk, but because of a dunk.  If this dunk had happened during a game at Rucker Park or in the Drew League (and maybe it has), that would’ve been game right there.  Even if the clock were only at 5:02 in the first quarter.  This is the dunk to beat.  Shut it down.

Michael Jordan Existentialism

If you have Yahoo! set as your homepage like I do, you probably saw the blurb about Michael Jordan naming "only one" player as his equal.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  Why do you have Yahoo! set as your homepage?  Because I don't want to miss out on a Cate Blanchett photo retrospective that features red carpet shots of her at the Oscars from 1997 to present day—but I'm getting off topic here.  I'm not surprised to hear that Jordan is impressed by Kobe Bryant's work ethic.  Even I am impressed by Kobe's work ethic and his regeneration, and I've hated him since he took Brandy to the prom.  I am, however, incensed by how viral a story this has become, considering it was born out of a couple paraphrased tweets.  

I first read about these tweets on Yahoo!, then saw a handful of similar articles that reported on the same two tweets from sportswriter, Roland Lazenby.  Then I googled "jordan thinks only kobe compares," and found enough matching items that I stopped clicking next after the fifth page of results.  Today, all I've read about on the internet is SOPA/PIPA and this Jordan story.  I'm not sure who I should be scoffing at here, but I'm definitely scoffing.  It blows my mind that a couple of tweets from a sportswriter who most of us have probably never heard of could cause this many ripples.


And the tweets don't even include a direct quote from Jordan!  Let's be clear; if we're accepting Lazenby's retelling of his conversation with Jordan, this is a qualified compliment to Kobe.  You think Jordan would give an unqualified compliment?  Oh think again, brother.  Michael Jordan is the Michael Jordan of qualified compliments.  Jordan didn't say, "Kobe is the only one that compares."  He said, "Kobe is the only one to have done enough work to deserve the comparison."  This sounds like a confession Jordan gave begrudgingly after having been tied up, beaten, and deprived of food and water for an entire week in Lazenby's remote cabin at the foothills of Appalachia.   

I don't know if you can tell , but the gee dee Roland Lazenby tweets are forcing me into an existential crisis.  Who am I mad at here?  Kobe?  Jordan?  The virality of the present world?  What I really want to say is, who in the ewing is Roland Lazenby, that a  non-direct Jordan quote from him becomes a decree?  Truthfully, I don't doubt that Jordan said what Lazenby tweeted.  Truthfully, I hate myself when I'm writing about tweets.

I don't know who I'm mad at, or even, if I'm mad.  Somehow, I think there's a subtext about religion in here.  It's hard for me to talk theoretically or philosophically about basketball without mentioning The Jordan.  That's because, if basketball is a religion he is its deity.  In the same way that it's hard to talk about the Bible without bringing up Jesus, it's hard to talk about basketball without mentioning Jordan.  Therefore, anything He says, or is rumored to have said—backhanded or not—is inherently interesting.  If this situation is an indication of anything, it's that anything Michael Jordan says—or, says privately to a friend, who then tweets it in his own words—is news.  If Jesus privately tells Roland Lazenby who the next Jordan is, you can bet that Lazenby's tweet about it will go viral.

Direct Addresses, RE: The Season So Far

Knicks

You wanted Chris Paul.  He declared, "Whosoever shall bringeth Tyson Chandler unto them, shall also bringeth mine generosity unto thee."  You paid too much for Chandler, then had no cap space for Paul.  Something that would only happen in New York.  I'm glad Tyson Chandler was rewarded for his defensive leadership with a good contract, but you are still a below-average defensive team.  I have two theories as to why:  your players are too young and athletic for Chandler to marshal, or, defense has been outlawed in the state of New York for some time—I watched the Rucker Park tapes this summer. Rest assured, Knicks, no team in the Eastern Conference will threaten you for that seventh spot.

JaVale McGee

"You gotta love a guy who maintains this much swagger despite his team being one-and-eleven," JaVale Magee said to himself.  This post-swat stroll, in essence, is why you'll lose your starting job to Jan Vesely if you get injured—or by March, whichever comes first.  JaVale, be wary if you find yourself alone in a room with Bill Russell.  He's going to murder you with a rusty ice pick for this crap.

Ricky Rubio, Skinny Kevin Love

Ricky, if you lose that Spanish beard, you'll bear a strong resemblance to Pete Maravich.  I'm not sure this is a coincidence.  Regardless, you're legit.  If only Jonny Flynn had been this legit.  It will be surprising if you guys can make the playoffs this year, but Adelman is as smart as Rambis was goofy-looking in the '80s, so you should start winning soon.  Skinny Kevin Love, shooting three-pointers is a very sexy thing to do in Minneapolis, yes I know, we all remember Wally Szczerbiak.  You shoot the three very well, but you pull down offensive rebounds even better, and offensive rebounds are sexy too.  Would Rodman have done it if it weren't sexy?  The last thing the T'Wolves need is another guy who is confident in his three-point shooting capabilities.  Stand under the cup, and let the other guys throw up the bricks.

Bulls & Thunder

Your consistent winning is starting to get boring.  Watching the players in your large active rotations all play like starters is like watching the Spurs, if the Spurs had a cavalcade of dynamic, intoxicating personalities in their rotation.  So actually, it's nothing like watching the Spurs.  Regardless, the predictability of your teams' winning is getting old.  Bulls, start John Lucas III for a while, just to keep it interesting.  Thunder, see if you can contrive more arguments centered around Sefolosha not shooting the rock.

Dirk Nowitzki

It was nice watching you detlef-schrempf all over the Heat last year.  You're still relevant in Germany and Dallas, I'm sure.

Deron Williams

Speaking of relevance, Deron, I think your former team was making a subtle jab here about the trajectory of yours.  I've been to Turkey and Jersey.  I know where I'd be right now, given the choice.  You just can't manage to get away from Okur, can you?

LA Area NBA Franchises
The results of the Chris Paul trades certainly brought forth a reversal of fortunes.  Who is the best team in LA?  I don't live near LA anymore, I don't care.  I did, however, notice that Blake Griffin dunking a lot while playing for a losing team is somehow more interesting to watch than Blake Griffin dunking slightly less while playing on a winning team.

Heat

Congrats.  You did the math during the off-season that led you to realizing the possible value if you can invert the ratio of LeBron post-ups (0) to unnecessary LeBron three-point attempts per game (3.5).  Now you're reaping the benefits of that equation.  Somehow, I think your four losses so far this season could be attributed to you guys being too good.  I don't know how, but that's my guess.  Good to see you got the Bosh back.  I'm looking forward to some Norris Cole action in the playoffs.

Those Guarding LeBron

If at any point you see a large number six positioned towards you, don't think about what you can do to stop it from coming, think about what you did to put yourself in such a place of unfavorable consequence.  Then do the respectable thing and feign injury.  Don't let them take your dignity.  

Don't Call It a Comeback

I wanted to give NBA teams a short grace period to regain their smoove before I started digging in, but there doesn't appear to be any forthcoming dissolution to the bad defense, worse offense, poor free throw shooting (as record-setting as it may be), early-season injuries, overblown forty-point Kobe Bryant performances, rampant thirty-point losses, or the New Jersey Nets, in general.  At least the lockout hasn't had any lasting impact so far.  Don't call it a comeback.