Friday’s Game Threes were frustrating. Good, but frustrating. Good, not great, but frustrating. I have some things I want to say to some people regarding these frustrating games.
Mike D’Antoni, if Jared Jeffries is creating his own shots in the fourth quarter, you got problems.
Jamal Crawford, what the hell is wrong with you? Jamal, have the gee dee decency to shoot the three in its proper, designated area! I know the shot banked in to effectively end the game, but it was a remarkable result to an asinine play. Jamal, you don’t go behind the back, ten feet above the three-point line, when there are less than five seconds left on the shot clock during the most vital possession of a playoff game—or any game. And you don’t shoot a ridiculously contested three from five feet behind the line, when you’ve been standing around with the ball for half of the shot clock before that. You don’t do that unless you’re Kobe Bryant or someone who’s intent on coming off the bench for the rest of their career.
Zaza Pachulia and Dwight Howard, you are morons. I’m not one of those will someone please think of the children, fighting has no place in the game type of NBA fans, who were probably also proponents of parental advisory stickers going on CD covers. I love NBA fights, especially real ones. Dwight Howard, you are a fake tough guy. You maloned Pachulia, then averted your eyes and walked away from the scenario with a really indignant it’s not worth it recoil. You can only do the it’s not worth it stroll if you’re the recipient, not the perpetrator, of a maloning. That was very Garnettian. And then you especially can’t let a smaller teammate step in and get ejected over a fight that you started. Pachulia, you are a fake tough guy too, not that you’ve ever been mistaken for a real tough guy. I mean, I liked the headbutting, it’sbeen awhile since I’ve seen that. But, Pachulia, it was obvious that you wanted absolutely no part of any fight…until a guy six inches shorter than you got in your grill. Then you turned into De Niro, provoking Jason Richardson into a fight, all while you had unfettered access to Dwight Howard—the guy who actually did something—who stood next to you without any partition.
Hornets, this was the only time during game three (and maybe even the entire series) that any of you had the appearance of players who were legitimately interested in winning the game. Chris Paul, you do not want to win. Chris, if you’re down ten points or less in the fourth quarter, don’t wait until there are only seven minutes left before you get your ass into the game. And no Monty Williams this, or Monty Williams that. Get in the game. And then when you do finally get in the game, don’t keep letting Jarrett Jack take unassisted jumpshots. Go get the gee dee rock and take it to the lane. You are the ONLY advantage the Hornets have in this series. I know you’re the type of guy who wants to get your teammates involved, but understand this: the only shot in hell that the Hornets win this series is if you take 30 shots a game and drop 15 dimes. And make your gee dee free throws.
Kobe Bryant, my cousin, visiting from Australia, loves you and your Lakers. After The Dunk in the first quarter, he left the room without saying anything and came back wearing a shirt with you on it. The next time Okafor got Bynum’d, he started yelling, “All you can eat! All you can eat!”
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